The Little Boy Inside
Today the Lord called the little boy inside of me to go home and be with his daddy. The voice came through a close covenant friend but the words were from God. Only his words can pierce into those deepest places of my heart. Heaving sobs and tears flowing.
My dad has been in a heated battle with cancer for 6 years now. But in the last year he has been extremely ill. For much of this time I have been the responsible son, stepping up to lead our family and keep us together in the fight. But today I was called to go home...not to fix anyone or anything, but just to be the little boy again. The one who would go visit his daddy at work and play with the paper weights on his desk. The one who made a business suit out of a paper grocery bag just so he could be like dad.
Tomorrow I'm heading to Auburn to be with my Dad and Mom for a few days. It will be a tough trip...probably filled with both sorrow and joy.
More to come on this journey...
My dad has been in a heated battle with cancer for 6 years now. But in the last year he has been extremely ill. For much of this time I have been the responsible son, stepping up to lead our family and keep us together in the fight. But today I was called to go home...not to fix anyone or anything, but just to be the little boy again. The one who would go visit his daddy at work and play with the paper weights on his desk. The one who made a business suit out of a paper grocery bag just so he could be like dad.
Tomorrow I'm heading to Auburn to be with my Dad and Mom for a few days. It will be a tough trip...probably filled with both sorrow and joy.
More to come on this journey...
1 Comments:
Josh,
You may not remember me, but I met you and Leslie in the parking lot at the grocery (I cannot believe I've forgotten its name) in Wilmore just before our family finished our Beeson work and headed home to the Montgomery area, 2004. You and Leslie were just arriving at Asbury and were not sure how life would be so far from home! I enjoyed meeting you both so much; your sister Emily was "my" rookie in the AHS band during my last year of high school!
Well, to make a long story short, I found your blog when checking out Rob Couch's and some of the other "Auburn folks'" and have just been mesmerized by your beautiful twins and Benjamin. God has been so good to you and Leslie, and I know the babies are fortunate to be growing "Luke 2:52" style in your loving arms!
I scanned a few of your posts and found the ones about your going home to visit your dad. I had to stop a moment and offer you encouragement on this front. My father, John D. Freeman, fought cancer for 5 years and it was first diagnosed during our Asbury days 1990-94. I remember those trips home, the surgery, the radiation treatments, the chemo, watching him have good days and bad...just all of it. And I empathize with you so much, knowing that you will not regret one moment of the time you are spending in each others' company.
I think of what a joy your little ones are to him. My dad got to see our first do "all her firsts" as she was born March 31 and he died on March 30, Easter Sunday (which has always been a balm), the following year. Her birthday has always been the rainbow after the rain.
I will tell you this: I have NEVER known the love of God like I have in the absence of having my "earthly father" to cling to. I know your dad is so proud of you and Leslie and the huge risk it took to travel the Asbury path rather than the "convenience" of Emory. I know you know there is no comparison. It's just hard to be so far away...but I will be praying for all of you.
To make a long story short, Mike and I have been serving God through planting a nondenominational church, WellSpring Community Church, in Millbrook/Prattville. We are at peace with following God's call on this and left the denomination peacefully this past June. God is blessing in ways we cannot keep up with, and more importantly, the grace of seeing lives of the unchurched truly changed by Christ is more than we could ever have dreamed of. We still keep in touch with Rusty though we are all going great guns these days. He was a fabulous support throughout the process.
Have a wonderful summer in beautiful Wilmore! We miss it so much...Beeson did very well to prepare us for what ended up lying ahead! Oh, it's probably a good thing we had no clue when I met you in that parking lot! Please give my love to Leslie and tell her to enjoy every moment of these precious early days!
Love in Christ,
Danna Beale
John 4:14
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