Learning A New Way

About two weeks ago Leslie and I had the opportunity to attend the Presidents Retreat with the Seminary. It was in Colorado Springs and the Broadmoor Resort...won't go into details but this was by the far the nicest place Leslie or I have ever stayed. The retreat was a way to honor and really bless those special friends who support the Seminary financially. I went to serve in the "Green Room" but was also asked to share my testimony in one of the sessions. I had known about this for the last two months and as the time approached I became more and more anxious about speaking to this group. So to prepare I expected to sit down for a few hours, strain to listen to God, write out some of my story and perhaps come up with an outline to go with. But it just didn't seem to go that way. A few weeks before, I tried to pour it all out on paper and I just couldn't get it to happen. In my head I had several ideas of what this would sound like but I just could not bring it all together. So I left for Colorado Springs feeling a little undone with this whole testimony deal. I would have been much more comfortable leaving with it all written out and neately defined so that I could study my words on the plane. But I was in limbo. And once we got to the Broadmoor it was not any better...this is not the place where you want to hide out by yourself to write out a testimony...it is truly the land of liesure.

So during one afternoon break Leslie went in for a much deserved massage and I spent a few hours laying back in a lawn chair, in and out of a nap while listening to my favorite prophet, Jason Upton. It was such a restful time. The sun was on my face. I could feel a light mist coming over from the sprinkler of the 18th green. When I opened my eyes I saw the unbelievable sight of the Rocky Mountains, beginning just about a mile away! I had not rested like this in what felt like years. It was awesome. I just sat there, sipping on lemonade, dozing in and out, and singing along with Jason Upton (not out loud...in my head). I think I was worshipping. It was easy, restful...and I was not sitting in a pew. In these hours I kept thinking about my own life and all the stuff that God had brought me through. I felt a deep welling up in my heart. Many times my eyes would tear up with the thoughts of his faithfulness, and grace over my entire life.

It was later that night when I realized that the Word for that testimony had been put into my heart in those hours of rest. I felt assurance that it was done. I didn't need to worry or think about it any more. There was nothing written down, no notes or outline. It was written on heart. Any attempt to control it on paper would distort it. I didn't have to hide out in my room and strive to come up with the words...rather I laid back and enjoyed the sun, mountains and fresh air. Then he lightly laid it in my heart. We finshed out the weekend and things seemed to go well. And as I have reflected back on this time it has become a real mark for me. A mark for a new way of preparation...not one that comes from striving but from resting in the Fathers arms and giving him the controls. It is definately much more restful and fun this way, but it still feels a little risky. I'm just beginning to learn this way. And as I have remembered this I keep thinking about these words of Jesus:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on relegion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly"
Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

A big thanks goes out to MeMe (Leslie's Mom) and the small army of our Wilmore family who took care of our kids so Leslie and I could go.