Moving the Blog To a New Location

I am posting a quick update with the this blogs new location. More information will be coming soon, but in the mean time, please visit the new blog at http://www.joshagerton.com

http://www.joshagerton.com

Making a Comeback Folks!!!

So this is the first post of 2008...and it is May 26th! Wow. So I've been on a little hiatus from the blog for a while but I'm turning over a new leaf. Just graduated two days ago from Asbury Theological Seminary and I'm feeling a new lease on life. Coming down to the final stretch with classes I decided to just hold off on blogging until I was done with school. So now I'm back at it. Just got home from Wilmore, KY where I spent a few days with our wonderful friends JD and Tiffani Walt along with with Brandon and Alison Frenzel. It was so good to be with these friends again and celebrate this special time in our lives.

I'm thinking that most of my readers have given up on my blog so if there are any of you still lingering around there I am soon going to be moving my blog to a new location. Will let you know once it is complete.

And did I mention before that I am now done with Seminary. Just had to make sure I got that across. Sure feels good to be done. It was an amazing time of our lives. I'll be sharing more on all of this soon.

In the words of Asbury Seminary President, Dr. Ellsworth Kalas..."God Love You."

Wow...2 posts within 24 hours

Breaking a record here by doing another post within 24 hours. Just want to share something I read yesterday. My friend Joe Nader sent a book to me last week that I have been unable to put down. It's Tim Madigan's I'm Proud of You...his book recounting how Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers Neighborhood) befriended him during a season of crisis in his life. It's an incredible book about friendship and love...really ministering to me in so many ways. I hope to share more as I read on.

So yesterday I was reading how Tim Midigan first met Fred Rogers. Being a journalist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Tim was assigned to do a profile on the children's television icon. In their first phone conversation Fred began to share about his passion to offer kids a better alternative than other tv programs. He also talked about how he wanted to give his undivided attention to the children...looking through the camera to the eyes of each child, being fully present to their feelings and needs...something so rare today. Then I was blown away with Roger's next words...

"Do you know what the most important thing in the world to me is right now?"
No, I said.
"Talking to Mr. Tim Midigan on the telephone."
I'm sure I blushed, incredulous and skeptical. But somehow, in the way he said it, in that famous, gentle, oh-so-slow voice, I knew that the famous man was speaking the truth. (page 14)

The Quiet Season

Just coming up for some air here to let everyone know that I'm still alive and have not yet totally given up on the blog. It has just moved off the plate temporarily. Partly out of necessity (taking 14 hours this semester...the max allowed) but mostly because I truly am in what I would call sort of a "quiet season". I'll leave it there and expound more later on...I promise.

WILLIAM WALKER AGERTON

Hello blog friends....been a while. Just have been in a little "quiet season" this summer with writing here. Most of you know but my Dad passed away earlier this summer after his long battle with cancer. It has been a tough few months...great sorrow and great joy as I have missed my Dad dearly and remembered his life. Will share more later but for now just wanted to share his obituary.

Mr. William Walker Agerton, age 71, passed away at Bethany House of Auburn on June 19, 2007. Mr. Agerton was born in Quincy, Florida on October 15, 1935. He graduated from Gadsden County High School, and went on to serve his country in the United States Air Force, where he flew as a gunner on the B66 bomber aircraft from 1954 to 1958. In 1958, Mr. Agerton enrolled at Alabama Polytechnic Institute. He participated in Auburn's cooperative education program, working at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration's (NASA) Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Alabama. In 1963 he graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering. In 1967 Mr. Agerton graduated from Auburn University with a Masters of Science in Electrical Engineering and continued working for NASA to develop space borne power supplies that were used in the Saturn V Rocket and Orbital Workshop Program. For the last twenty years of his life, Mr. Agerton worked as a National Sales and Contract Specialist with Epos Corporation, now Tier Technologies, in Auburn. He continued to work during his battle with cancer over the past eight years. Mr. Agerton was a dedicated member of the First Baptist Church of Opelika, Alabama, where he served as Deacon, Chairman of the Finance Committee and Sunday School teacher for both children and adults. Throughout his life, he has remained a loving husband, father, brother and friend. He is survived by his wife, Priscilla Ledbetter Agerton, Auburn; children, Josh Agerton (Leslie), Wilmore, KY, and Emily Agerton Prestridge (Chris), Auburn; sisters, Betty Agerton Chalker (Lee), Salt Lake City, UT, and Jean Agerton Eggersdorf, Tallahassee, FL; brother-in-law, J.C. Ledbetter, New Orleans, LA; and five grandchildren of which he was extremely proud, AnnaKathryn, Garrett, Benjamin, Liza and Grace. Visitation will be held Thursday at Jeffcoat-Trant Funeral Home from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Funeral services will be conducted on Friday, June 22, 2007 a 2 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Opelika. Graveside service will follow at Town Creek Cemetery in Auburn. Memorial gifts honoring Mr. Agerton may be given to First Baptist Church of Opelika Building Fund, 301 South 8th Street, Opelika, AL 36801. Jeffcoat-Trant Funeral Home is directing.

"Weakness" lightbulb going off...again.

I'm just over a week into my CPE Internship at UK Hospital. So far it's proving to be just as challenging and streatching as I expected. I've been assigned to cover two floors of the hosptial so I'm in the thick of it now. I'm learning my way of being a pastor to these people. Right now I'm in the phase of what I would call "conscious incompetance" meaning I'm very aware that most of the time I don't know what the heck I'm doing. So it's becoming a place where again I'm learning about living in Christ's power through my own weakness. Here's one I try to whisper to myself as I'm walking down the halls..."My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corn 12:9) I'm finding this experience to be just another leg in the journey of weakenss that God has led me on for the last three years. "Weakness?" you say. "What the heck are you talking about Josh...Weakness? You are suppost to be strong, to pick yourself up, have a good attitude, be positive and get out there and do some good!" But the problem is that with all this kinda stuff at best I may just be able to make a few people feel good for a while. It is only Christ who can radically transform and heal body and soul. It is only Christ that can bring someone through a journey so that they can say words like, "My trial with Cancer has been on the greatest posessions of my life". And as for me being an agent for Christ to the world...that only comes when I digress. When I embrace my weakness and cry out to Jesus for his power and strength with every breath. But when I get to the place where I think, "OK, I got it now...I know what I'm doing here" (and unfortunately I do think this sometimes) then I'm on the road to death. Wow...backwards from what the world teaches us huh. Now it makes sense why Paul says crazy stuff like, "I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Our Latest

Wanted to put a few of the latest pics of the kids out there. So here ya go. Liza and Grace are now 13 months old and quite a pair. You should see the latest version of their crawl...hands and feet only with no knees on the ground. Quite fun to watch.

Yesterday at Boyd Orchards...pickin strawberries. And Benjamin and I at the finish line of the 1/2 marathon in Nashville last month.
Pretty quiet this weekend. Enjoying our Sabbath together. Girls are napping right now while Benjamin and Leslie are watching Peter Pan behind me. But now Benjamin has become interested in my blogging. He says "tttttfa;sid--ftggghh1133333333gnb" to you all.

I finished up the semester about a week ago and have started my CPE internship (Clinical Pastoral Education) at UK Hospital this summer. It is a full time internship where I will be serving as a chaplain to patients, families and hospital staff. These first few days have just been orientation type stuff and learning my way around the hospital. But next Thursday it all gets real when I'll be assigned several floors in the hospital to serve. From my short time there so far I know this is going to be an incredible experience but probably one of the toughest things I've ever faced in my life. I'm sure I'll have many more reflections on this as the summer goes on.

Leslie is doing great and ready for summer. We were wearing jackets and jeans until just a few weeks ago. Our backyard has officially become the Redneck Riveria, Kentucky style... complete with $11 pool from walmart, sandbox, and toys all over the place. But the most choice item among the little ones is the hose pipe (garden hose for you snobby lawn types). I forgot how much fun and wonder you can have from a simple hose pipe. It's perfect to use as a water gun, temporary fountain, drinking source, mud maker, and sister terrorizer. So we are off to a good start...except that our house is becoming more like a beach house with sand all over our furniture.

Got to go...Benjamin wants to do some "recycling" with some of my school books.

The Wine Press

Ah, back again. It's been months since my last post so I'm trying to ease back into blog life. These last days have been exceptionally busy and tiring ones. It seems that this semester has been a pretty tough one to balance...between school, work in our Seminary's chapel office, and family life, it's been a pretty good stretch. Most of you reading will also know that my Dad has been in some very trying times. He has been battling cancer for almost 8 years now and it has recently become very aggressive. A few weeks back he made the decision to no longer pursue treatments and he is now in the care of Hospice. So it's been a heavy season for our family.

About a week ago I spent a day over at the Abbey of Gethsemani. This has become one of my favorite places in the world. I went with my good friend JD Walt, aka Farmstrong, who I have worked for in the chapel office for the last two years. The rain poured on us for most of the day but we still made it out through the trails to the statues of Gethsemani. On our drive out that morning I was telling JD that I have felt like I have been in that place of Gethsemani...where I see what is before me and feel completely strained.

Mark 14:32-36 They went to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." 33 He took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be distressed and agitated. 34 And he said to them, "I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake." 35 And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 He said, "Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want."

I want to ask God to take away what is ahead but I know that it must remain. Then JD, in his wise knowledge, let me know that Gethsemani means "wine press". Yes, this is where I have been. The Wine Press. But most times I'm feeling more of the "press" than any sort of fine wine. But I have hope. It has been a semester of healing and becoming whole. Learning a new way to live...another whole post I will have to share soon.

But in all this "pressing" I have felt like just being quiet on the blog. I hope to have more coming soon.

Thy Will Be Done!

Wanted to share this prayer from yesterday's reading from our Seminary Lenten Reader. It was written by Mary Fletcher about 1 year after the death of her husband, John Feltcher.

Slow down a minute from your speedy internet surfing. Take a breath. And now read this slowly:

Thy will be done! Yes, my adorable Lord, strip me of every penny. Bring me not only to poverty, but what I far more dread, to insolvency. Yes! Strip me even of reputation. Let me be as "filth and offscouring of all things." Only let me have thy approval, and all shall be well. Yes, I will praise the for all, and most for the severe.

This one won't let me go. Instead of praying for blessings, this woman is praying for God to make her not only completely broke, but endebted and without reputation. Sounds crazy huh? But it seems that Mrs. Fletcher has come to the deep understanding that brokeness of the earthly desires leads to an even deeper intimacy with God...something far greater than wealth or reputation. Abiding in God alone is what she wants. It's as if she has had a taste of it and wants even more. Could it be that in our fallen state, it takes a crisis like this for us to fully surrender our lives to God. I have never prayed like this before...but I want to.

What do you think?

Picture Update

OK...bear with me while I go into doting Dad mode. Here's the latest:

Liza and Grace just turned 10 months old...I know, I can't believe it. They are definately on the move now. Their favorite hang out spots are a) the surge protector for my computer b) behind either of the two toilets in our house (they love to the pipe that comes out of the floor c) about 2 inches from Leslie's feet. Benjamin is warming up to these little scooters...except for when they get anywhere close to his special toys (the vacuum attachments) and his blankie. Other than that, they all remain on good terms.










Yes, I am pulling Benjamin on his sled with an extension chord...couldn't find a rope. The snow is no longer a novelty to these Alabamians...we are over it, especially Leslie!
The nightly sword fight...notice the tricker treat pumpkin that doubles as a superhero helment.

Post Hebrew Date turns into almost DUI

Yesterday I turned in my final project for the Hebrew intensive course I took this month. Since then I've been trying to catch up on life, spending time with Leslie and the kids. So tonight Leslie and I went out on a date...I mean babysitter and everything...first one in months. It was a nice dinner at Abuelo's (our favorite) and then a few hours of mindless reading and browsing at Joseph Beth Bookstore. A nice sober evening. But the officer behind me on the way home did not think so. About half way home from Lexington the red and blue lights came out of nowhere. So I veered over and waited...Leslie and I both wondering what I did. Here's how the rest plays out:

Officer: Good Evening Sir, License and proof of insurance please?
I dig it out and give it to him.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
J: To be perfectly honest, I have no idea why you pulled me over.
Officer: Well you veered over the middle line 3 times over the last mile.
J: Really? I didn't even realize it.
Officer: Sir where are you coming from?
J: Lexington.
Officer: I mean where have you been this evening?
J: I'm just coming from Barnes & Noble...Oh, I mean Joseph Beth (Leslie helped with correction.)
Officer: Sir have you had any alcohol to drink tonight?
OK, here's where things go south. Those of you who know me well know that I have a little problem. When people ask me a question of accusation or bring up a serious topic I sometimes take on an uncontrollable grin, making me look like I'm guilty when I'm totally not. And that is what happened here. I began to laugh and grin...just because I thought it was hilarious what was happening. But the problem was that this officer didn't know me and he didn't seem to think this was funny.
J: Sir, I can assure you I have not had any alcohol to drink tonight (trying to hold back grin at this point but not working very well).
Officer: long pause..."Wait here in your car while I go and check your record"
We wait in expectation...half nervous, half laughing at the situation until he returns.
Officer: So have you had any alcohol to drink tonight?
J: Officer, I had 2 glasses of water and then a cup of coffee. That's it.
Officer: Are you on any medications?
J: No but I took some tylenol this morning.
Officer: So are you sure you have not had any alcohol?
Ok, enough...it was time to bring out the big guns...didn't want to do it but I felt it I had no choice but to play the seminary card.
J: Sir, I'm live in Wilmore and attend the Seminary there...I have not had anything to drink in over 3 years.
Didn't work.
Officer: So you would not mind stepping out of the vehicle and taking a test with me would you.
J: No Sir.
Officer: Step out of the vehicle and come with me.

I then get out and walk back to the front of his car. Mind you we are on the side of Nicholasville Road in front of Lowes with traffic wizzing by. He then begins what I call the "tricky finger test". I have to stand there with my feet together and head perfectly still while he moves his finger from right to left in front of me...with his flashlight shining in my eyes. I HAVE NEVER STARRED AT A FINGER SO HARD IN ALL OF MY LIFE! Plus it was about 19 degrees out with light freezing rain. This went on for about 5 minutes. Then he switched things up on me and started moving his finger up and down. My head was like a statue but my eyes were glued on that finger. I started to think he was setting me up or something. Finally he said "OK, I'm going to turn you loose. You could not have done that if you had been drinking". I then explained to him that the truck I was driving was new to me and not as tight as the Honda Accord I was used to...so maybe that is why I was a little swirvy. He didn't seem real interested and just told me to be careful. A close one...no ticket or anything. Will never forget this date.

So yes, I survived Hebrew and intense interrogation in the freezing rain. I am blessed!

Old Testament Hebrew, A Lesson in Community

So this month I'm in an intensive class, Old Testament Hebrew, where we do a full semester of material in about 4 weeks. It is by far the most consuming class I have yet to take. On the first day our professor said that within a week we would be dreaming in Hebrew. I'm not quite there yet with this but I have been waking up with vocabulary lists running through my head. It is quite a consuming deal and you truly have to become totally emersed in this class to survive. So to get by a few of us students decided to start a little study group. Class is from 8:30 to 11:15, we then meet from 1 to about 6pm...head home for dinner and usually return until we are kicked out at the library at 11:00pm...sometimes then heading to someone's house.

Years from now I will probably not remember that the sheva is silent when following a long vowel or that vowel-less postvocalic nuns assimilate but I will remember our little study group, tucked away in a room on the top floor of the library. I'll remember how we ate leftover Christmas candy and boy scout carmel corn. I'll remember how we got snippy with eachother a few times under the stress. I'll remember how one friend shared some burdens of his heart with us and our prayer before we studeid. I'll remember the preposition "neged" which translated in English means "in front of" (get creative and guess at how we remembered this one). I'll remember how we spoke words of encouragement to one another at midnight. I'll remember how we solved the problems of the United Methodist Church. And I'll remember how we journeyed together and loved one another through a strenuous time. This group has made it all fun and somewhat tollerable...and I have TWO MORE WEEKS OF IT!!! Yikes. Maybe I'm remenissing too early.

That's it for now...Shalom.

The Return

Last week my Mom asked, "Josh, when are you going to put something out on your blog again?" Ouch! Ever had one of those times when there is something you should be doing...then you get a little behind...then you completely fall off the band wagon. For some it may be a diet, or exercising...but for me it was the blog. It's been a tough couple of months between school, work & family. So the blog was pushed back to "low priority". But those days are over my friends...at least until I start my intensive class for Hebrew next month.

So here's a little exercise I'm going to do in order to catch up. A cluster of concise one sentence updates:

-Benjamin still learning to pp in potty and not even close with #2.
-Girls are beautiful and sleeping through night pretty well (see pic below).
-Grace is a scooter and Liza is a spectator.
-Completed 59 of 96 hours for my MDiv Program.
- Went out to eat for Thanksgiving for the first time ever in my life.
-Leslie wins the "Super Mom" award of the century!
-Went to the Abbey of Gethsemani again and no I am not going to become a monk (although I have a great admiration for the ascetic life).
-Took 56 pictures of our rapidly moving children to get one picture to send with our Christmas Card.
-Continue to love Seminary and learning in spite of the heavy workload.
-Leslie bought a nice leather chair on the side of the road for $75.
-For Halloween, Benjamin was Buzz Lightyear, Girls were little Auburn Tigers, Leslie and I were Doctors (Inspiration from Grey's Anatomy)- see pic below.
-We are staying here in Wimore for Christmas, our first time to be in our own home for Christmas.
-Benjamin's 3rd Birthday is today, more on this later!

More to come soon!

PEE PEE IN DA POTTY!!!!!

The day has finally come...POTTY TRAINING! We...I mean Leslie, went cold turkey with Benjamin yesterday. She went to Wal Mart, bought 12 pairs of "big boy underware" and just went for it. He's done pretty well so far. But it has involved a good bit of bribery: star stickers, candy corn, army men and dinasours. He's had a few number 2 accidents but overall he has done great.

Benjamin checking out his results while Leslie performs the Pee Pee in the Poty Interprative Dance.

Learning A New Way

About two weeks ago Leslie and I had the opportunity to attend the Presidents Retreat with the Seminary. It was in Colorado Springs and the Broadmoor Resort...won't go into details but this was by the far the nicest place Leslie or I have ever stayed. The retreat was a way to honor and really bless those special friends who support the Seminary financially. I went to serve in the "Green Room" but was also asked to share my testimony in one of the sessions. I had known about this for the last two months and as the time approached I became more and more anxious about speaking to this group. So to prepare I expected to sit down for a few hours, strain to listen to God, write out some of my story and perhaps come up with an outline to go with. But it just didn't seem to go that way. A few weeks before, I tried to pour it all out on paper and I just couldn't get it to happen. In my head I had several ideas of what this would sound like but I just could not bring it all together. So I left for Colorado Springs feeling a little undone with this whole testimony deal. I would have been much more comfortable leaving with it all written out and neately defined so that I could study my words on the plane. But I was in limbo. And once we got to the Broadmoor it was not any better...this is not the place where you want to hide out by yourself to write out a testimony...it is truly the land of liesure.

So during one afternoon break Leslie went in for a much deserved massage and I spent a few hours laying back in a lawn chair, in and out of a nap while listening to my favorite prophet, Jason Upton. It was such a restful time. The sun was on my face. I could feel a light mist coming over from the sprinkler of the 18th green. When I opened my eyes I saw the unbelievable sight of the Rocky Mountains, beginning just about a mile away! I had not rested like this in what felt like years. It was awesome. I just sat there, sipping on lemonade, dozing in and out, and singing along with Jason Upton (not out loud...in my head). I think I was worshipping. It was easy, restful...and I was not sitting in a pew. In these hours I kept thinking about my own life and all the stuff that God had brought me through. I felt a deep welling up in my heart. Many times my eyes would tear up with the thoughts of his faithfulness, and grace over my entire life.

It was later that night when I realized that the Word for that testimony had been put into my heart in those hours of rest. I felt assurance that it was done. I didn't need to worry or think about it any more. There was nothing written down, no notes or outline. It was written on heart. Any attempt to control it on paper would distort it. I didn't have to hide out in my room and strive to come up with the words...rather I laid back and enjoyed the sun, mountains and fresh air. Then he lightly laid it in my heart. We finshed out the weekend and things seemed to go well. And as I have reflected back on this time it has become a real mark for me. A mark for a new way of preparation...not one that comes from striving but from resting in the Fathers arms and giving him the controls. It is definately much more restful and fun this way, but it still feels a little risky. I'm just beginning to learn this way. And as I have remembered this I keep thinking about these words of Jesus:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on relegion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly"
Matthew 11:28-30, The Message

A big thanks goes out to MeMe (Leslie's Mom) and the small army of our Wilmore family who took care of our kids so Leslie and I could go.

Blog Neglect

Blog Neglect. Yes, I'm guilty...I confess. I've been heckled by a few friends about my backsliding on the blog so I'm putting this out as a challenge to myself: Josh, you have 24 hours to write something here. So it's official. I'm coming back. And I'm doing so with a new commitment...to not worry about spelling, using eloquent words, or writing some great work that will impress people. So here it goes. Check back in 24 to see if I can hang with the challenge.

Still Here!

Just a quick post to say that I am still here. Been a little quiet on the blog these last weeks...trying to stay with the pace of school. Thought I'd at least put out some updated pictures of the little ones. More to come later.

This is Benjamin at soccer practice. He is not "officially" on the team. He just loves going to practice with some of his older friends who are actually on the team (Peyton & Jackson Lewis along with David Walt). He is more like the ball boy...meaning he loves to come and steal the balls from everyone practing. He even weasled his way into the team photo...front and center.

Girls are doing great as you can see. Sleeping a little better at night. "Liza-Bug" is on the left and "G-Money" is on the right...Leslie came up with these two hip-hop names and they have somehow just stuck. (They are also known as the "little munchies".)

It's Happening...

Summer is over and Fall is beginning. At least in the world of academic semesters. Campus definately had a big buzz about it today...new faces are everywhere...filled with excitement, anticipation, questions, and even fear. Many have left thier comfortable lives and some even their home countries to follow God's call to our little town.

Tonight the whole Agerton crew went to the International Potluck Dinner on campus where our community welcomed the new international students. We have so much to learn from these courageous brothers and sisters. Had a real good time. Food was good. Luckily someone brought some chips, one of Benjamin's main food groups. Some of my African buddies Stanley and William (both Nigerians) get a kick out of our growing family. I come around thinking that I have a big family, but don't have anything on them. William has 4 girls and a 1 boy (names are: Grace, Goodness, Blessing, Ester, and Jeremiah...jokingly called Jerry because he was born in the US). Stanley has had up to 35 children in his home back in Nigeria. So these guys can tell some stories that put my previous post (about getting puked on) under the table.

It was a Kingdom evening. We have so much to learn from our international brothers and sisters. Father, bless these dear ones as they transition to this strange place.

The Stop of 2006...The Untold Story

I had a flashback tonight of something that happened to me a few weeks ago...I've had enough time to heal emotionally from the event, so now I can share it with some humor.

It all started on our way home from Auburn, AL a few weeks ago. Of course we were traveling with our 3 month old twins, Liza and Grace, and Benjamin (2.5 years). This crew can easily turn a 9 hour trip into an 11-12 hour trip. It was tough. I stopped counting at 7 stops on the way home. But the the stop that went down in infamy was in Brentwood, TN, just south of Nashville.

We pulled off at one of our usual exits and decided to eat at Quizno's (they usually have pretty good toys for Benjamin). It was located in one of these fancy new strip malls in one of the more affluent parts of town. So we carted the whole family in for lunch...and got the usual stares and comments. The girls were super fussy. I had already scarfed down my sandwich so I offered to take them on back to the van and start feeding one of them. I carried them out, changed their diapers and began to feed Liza in the front seat (car in park with AC on). Leslie and Benjamin came out and loaded up. It was blazing hot (over 100) so we decided to pull the van over to a shaded part of the parking lot...just happened to be in front of the "Posh Puppy", a little botique for people with little dogs and lots of money. Finished the bottle with Liza and had her burbing....when it ALL came up...all over me, all over her, running down my shorts, onto the seat, and onto the floorboard. She simultaneously had a major blowout of the diaper. So right in front of the Posh Puppy, I got out of the van, get Liza situated on the back floor of the van and yes, had to strip off my shirt. I then had to take a stack of baby wipes and wipe down my chest and left armpit. I could feel a crowd of posh dog owners congregating just through the window. (And yes, Leslie is about to throw up herself from laughing so hard at me!) Within minutes, the parking space next to me looked like a hazardous waste zone...littered with puky t-shirt and infant dress, stained diaper, and a mound of yellowish brown baby wipes. Just Breathe Josh...OK, so I get Liza all cleaned up, changed and settled, all while people are driving by with these crazy stares trying to figure out if they need to call 911 or something. Then I clean up the parking lot and carry all of debris to a trash can...which of course is right next to the front door of the Posh Puppy (still bare chested). By this time there is no shame. Then I start working on getting a clean t-shirt...which of course is in my bag at the bottom of the trunk. Open the back gate of the van...bouncy seats, toys, ect. all spill out. I wrestled out my bag and a clean t-shirt, stuff everything back in, and went back to my post in the drivers seat. I admit I was not in the best of moods...for the next few hours. Leslie thought it was all quite comical.

Initiation into the real Dad club??? Anbody have something that can top this???

Praise the Lord...THEY MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT!

That's right...Liza and Grace slept until 6 AM this morning! Leslie and I didn't sleep much though...we kept waking up wondering what was going on and listening out for them!

So we will never have to get up in the middle of the night again...ya right...I don't think so. But we are hopeful that this is the beginning of a new trend.

Picture is from 7-30...3 1/2 months. Liza on left, Grace on the right.

Slumbering Disciples and the Snake!

Here's another story from my trip to Gethsemani a few weeks back. But my friend Brandon tells it best...he's the one that almost was bitten by this snake. You can read more about this on Brandon's Blog by clicking here.

'Cause my hooooome's in Alabama...

"'Cause my hoooooome's in Alabama, no matter wheeeeere I lay my head". I was feeling a little crazy a few weeks ago and downloaded this song as the ringtone on my cellphone (sung by Randy Owens of the great country group Alabama). This became the theme song for our "express trip" down to Alabama this weekend. Leslie and I decided at the last minute to make a short trip down to see my Dad and Mom before things got cranking with school again. We came down on Thursday and we're heading back tomorrow morning (Monday). Some might say that traveling 600 miles with two 3 month olds and a 2 year old is a little insane...and now I would agree with them. But this trip has been so worth the sacrafice. Seeing the joy our children bring to my parents, especially to my Dad who is fighting cancer, we forget about the expensive gas and 7 stops along the way. It has been a tiresome trip but such a blessing to just be together again as a big family. Also got to hang out with my sister, Emily, a good bit (who lives right down the street from Mom and Dad). Benjamin has been a crazy man with his older cousins, AnnaKathryn and Garrett...it has been so fun to watch. But the funniest thing has been his consuming interst in my Dad's old golf bag out in the garage. He has been facinated with this every since we pulled in the driveway. He loves the zippers and has pulled out every box of new golf balls (good thing my Dad doesn't play anymore). I'm finding new "Titalist" balls all over the house, outside in the bushes and at the bottom of the pool. As of tonight, Leslie and I have hit almost all of our old favorite eating joints: Jim Bob's (chicken fingers); Byrons (bbq); Tenda Chick (yes, chicken fingers again); and Moe's (burritos). Our stomaches are wondering where the heck we are?? We're pulling out in the morning and will be back in our beds this time tomorrow night (we hope).

Signing out from Auburn!

I've been arrested by the monks...more thoughts on Gethsemani

Ever since my trip to Gethsemani earlier this week I have been captivated by the brothers there. Don't worry (Mom), I'm not going to become a Catholic Monk or anything but I was truly impacted by what I observed...mainly the persistence and lifetime dedication they live with. This picture above is from their website, Abbey of Gethsemani. I don't know when this picture was taken but when I was there to visit, these same dudes were in the exact same stations...same guy playing the organ, etc (I recognize most all of them...and the rebel with the blue jeans). This picture could have been taken last week or 10 years ago. Not much changes at this place...THESE GUYS STAY THE COURSE! A few nights ago I was up in the middle of the night to feed one of the girls...the clock on the microwave said 3:23 (am). My first thought was, "Those guys are over there in that sancturay, up and dressed in their robes, already 8 minutes into their first morning prayer." And this is the first of seven for the day.
Other thoughts I have had revolve around the cemetary that is just outside the sanctuary. It is here where these men will be burried, joining all of those who have gone before them in the previous 158 years. It's just about 50 feet from where they come and worship every day. I try to imagine what it would be like to take the vows to enter this life, knowing the mundane, silent schedule you would live with the remainder of your days until you would eventually be burried "right over there". These are just some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head this week. But the conclusion I am led to is that these brothers live in another reality beyond what we can touch and see. It is one where God is their best friend, literally. He's the one they talk to and live out their days with. They live with a hope in the promise of Jesus, of a new heaven and a new earth and a new life in Christ. THEY REALLY BELIEVE THIS STUFF...IT IS THEIR REALITY! So do you or I have to go become a Monk to live in this reality? Of course not. But the question I ask myself is this: What does it look like for us to live in this reality right from where we are...where God has placed us?

Thomas Merton, esteemed spiritual writer who lived within this very community wrote, "Sooner or later, If we follow Christ we have to risk everything in order to gain everything. We have to gamble on the invisible and risk all that we can see and taste and feel. But we know the risk is worth it, because there is nothing more insecure than the transient world. For this world as we see it is passing away (1 cor. 7:31).

Sorry if these thoughts are a little jumbled. Just thinking (or writing) our loud here.

Day of Solitude

Today I went over to Trappist, KY with my friend Brandon to visit the Abbey of Gethsemani. I was not quite sure what to expect as it was my first time to visit a Monestary, but it was incredible. The Abbey sits on almost 3,ooo acres of rolling plains. We explored several of the trails and were able to see the statues of Gethsemani (see below). We also met several of the brothers and were able to chat a bit about life there. Brother Camillus who we met had been at the Abbey since 1940...yes 66 years (and has never left the property during that time)! It was amazing to observe these guys...their complete giving over of their entire life for the sake of prayer and devotion to Christ. Since 1848 (158 years), these Monks have been singing to God and praying for the world...seven days a week, seven times each day-starting at 3:15 AM. Brandon and I were able to join them in two of the services while we were there. It was amazing to hear these humble voices chant the Psalms. Of course they had it all memorized-they go through all 150 Psalms every two weeks. It was also interesting to have lunch with a room full of people in complete silence...all you could hear was the "cling" of spoons and forks on the plates...and Brandon's jaw popping as he chewed up his broccoli. I hope to make many more trips over to this quiet place. To learn more about Gethsemani go to The Abbey of Gethsemani.













Matthew 26:38-45 Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

Quick Update

Here's a picture we took of the girls this morning(now 12 weeks old). They are growing so much...up to a whopping 9 (Grace-left) and 10 lbs (Liza-right). The best part of it all has been to watch their little personalities come out. Grace is a little more spunky than Liza. She's is a real talker (cooing) and likes the excitement of the baby swing. Liza is a little more laid back..."just let me have my bottle and take a nap". She prefers to just recline in the bouncy seat rather than go for a swing like her sister.

Benjamin is doing amazing things also. Last night he had his 2nd "poopie in the pottie". Yesterday we hosted a huge yard sale with several other friends. It was Benjamin's dream come true...our yard filled with little nick nacks, and trinkets, all at a perfect level for him to plumage through. He went on for hours, playing with old cat toys and christmas ornaments. Then later in the day woke up from his nap immediately pointing to the door saying "Outside, Party". He was disappointed to see that the "party" had vanished during his nap.

After all of this Leslie and I are doing well. At the last minute I decided to drop the class I was taking this month. We both needed a break from me being in class and I really needed to be at home with her. So we are just parenting together this month and allowing eachother the time to do some special things on our own. Tomorrow I'm going to the Abbey of Gethsemani with a friend (I'm sure I'll write about this when I return). More to come later.

Simple Gratitude

Yesterday afternoon I took Benjamin to see the new movie, Cars...his first time ever in a movie theater. I wasn't too sure how he would do but it was great. He absolutely loved it. For the first hour of the movie he was glued to the screen like he was inside the movie himself. He was totally unaware of his surroundings and sat in my lap like he was in a trance. After a while he loosened up and began to eat some popcorn. By the end he was standing up in the isle cheering for "Lightening McQueen". It was a great time. But the most special time came later in the evening. We had just finished the whole bath and bed time rituals and were saying our final good nights. Leslie and I were walking out of his room when I heard him say in the dark, "Thank you for Cars Daddy". Leslie looked at me and I completely melted. It was so pure, cutting right to my heart. I was captured by his words the rest of the night.

The last few days Leslie and I have been sensing that we have been taking some pretty big blessings for granted...simply not having gratitude. This both convicted and taught us. As a father, it felt so good to hear these words from my prescious son. The rest of the night I just kept thinking how it would please God for me to do the same. I learned that gratitude does not have to be anything fancy or some big calculated act. It's just a simple "thank you for cars daddy".

No title for this one.

OK, I'm going to be bold here and share some real life. After finishing up some work for my intensive class this month I went in for a little "minor surgery" on Wednesday. Understanding that Leslie and I just had twins and we have 2 year old Benjamin, some of you will gather the nature of this surgery. It made for an interesting week. I had many of my friends tracking the countdown with me to "V-Day" and have had several call in since then to check on the "family jewels". My good friend Brandon drove me to and from the monumentous occasion. But when I showed up to check in at the front desk they told me I was a day early. WHAT...I couldn't believe it. My heart sank. I felt like I had pumped myself up for the state championship football game then just before running out of the locker room someone tells me it's the wrong night. But after explaining how "geared up" I was for this, they decided to work me in. We had to wait around a bit and Brandon got a little freaked out by one the the lobby brochures but we stayed the course. In all seriousness, it was a mark of true friendship. Then sweet Leslie had a king size 5th Avenue candy bar (my favorite) waiting for me when I got home (along with an ice pack and ibuprofin). All in all it has not been too bad. If anything, it forced me to get some much needed rest and catch up on some reading (I also watched the movie Ronin two times on TNT). But now things are pretty much back to normal...except for running.

All kidding aside, it became a good week of quiet and rest...and a time to just look and be thankful for our beautiful, healthy children.

42 Days

Yes, It's been 42 days since my last post. I've been on a little
break from the blogworld but a lot has happened since May 6th. I finished up the Spring semester, made a visit home to Auburn (it was truly the great American adventure) , preached at our home Church-Cornerstone, and am now back in the throws of class...United Methodist Theology. Among all this this I have just been spending a lot of time with Leslie, Benjamin, and the girls (two months old this past Wednesday).

Going from a family of 3 to 5 has been quite the challenge for us. In Leslie's words, we are learning to "die to our own agenda". I have had a few days where I have kept all three by myself for several hours and it has been unbelievable...imagine the wacky clown at the circus who is trying to spin several plates on the tips of broom sticks all at once...that's me. Leslie came in the other night from a much needed break to find me rocking Grace in a chair, with Liza in the bouncy seat in front of me rocking it with my foot (trying to keep pacifiers in each of them), all while Benjamin was running around with his lightsaver. I now have some conviction and can say from experience that Moms have one of the toughest jobs in the world!

Anyway, have much more to track and update here...especially thoughts about last semester. Don't let me off the hook without writing about this later on!

Who do you depend on?

This week I had to give another speech for my Communication as Christian Rhetoric Class (fancy seminary name for speech class). I decided to go with the topic of self-reliance vs. dependence upon God. I discussed how self-reliance was the normal and accepted cultural value...sounds like "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and "I'm a self-made man". And then I explained how in looking at the Biblical narrative we see something much different, the value of utter dependence upon God. In doing research for this I found an interesting quote in Ronnie Floyd's book, How To Pray. It was short but powerful: "Prayer occurs when you depend on God. Prayerlessness occurs when you depend on yourself." I have not been able to get this one out of my head since earlier this week. It has become sort of the "litmus test" of my own dependence upon God.

Still Alive!

We are still alive. Just kidding here...life with 5 is going very well. I've yet to get a picture of Benjamin with the girls. What you see here is about as close as he gets to his sisters. I think his world has been rocked more than anyone else but as you can see below, once he gets a chicken finger and little ketchup he is just fine. This pic is from a picinc today with friends. It was so good to get out with friends, eat some junk food, and play woofalball in the rain. We've been home for a few hours and I think I have told Leslie 4 times now how much fun I had!


Here's a few more pictures of the girls.

In his death we have life...

Grace Carolyn (5 pounds 2 ounces) and Liza Walker (5 pounds 13 ounces)...born on Good Friday, April 14th at 11:00 and 11:22AM.

Not Yet!!!

Still Waiting!

Leslie is 36 weeks today. We give praise to God for this...getting to this point has been the prayer of so many in these last weeks. We had a good visit with Dr. O'nan this morning and Liza and Grace are doing great. It is so amazing to hear those two heart beats going at the same time. Truly a miracle of God! Now we are home and just playing the waiting game!

The Countdown!

17 days and cooouuunting.

Leslie is holding strong with the pregnancy. She's been on bedrest now for 3 weeks...we are surviving by the grace of God and his work through so many wonderful people around us. As you see on the calendar, we only have about 2 1/2 more weeks before we hit 36...full term pregnancy for twins. We are learning how to live one day at a time (thus the bedtime ritual for Benjamin to cross out another day on the calendar).

Benjamin seems to think that there is more than just babies in Leslies belly. For months now whenever we talk about the babies in mommy's tummy he will say..."Liza, Grace.....and Thomas Train!"

The journey home...

The journey home continued...
It was an incredible trip home last week. A very rich time that I will never forget. The Lord called me in a very unexpected and powerful way to go home and visit my Mom and my Dad (see previous post). I didn't know exactly what to expect in this but after a day of being there I realized that it was about hearing my Dad's story. Over these days and nights we mostly sat by the fireplace and I listened to him tell the stories of his life: his early days as a kid in Quincy, FL; the struggles of growing up in an alcholic home; his dreams of becoming a pilot and his time in the Air Force; his years at Auburn University; his first job as an electrical engineer; how he became a Christian; his marriage to my Mom; his proudest moments as a father; his best friends along the way; all the cars that he owned. Most of the stories in themselves were very ordinary but all together they weaved an incredible narrative of God's guidance and providence. It was amazing to see how God protected and nurtured my Dad long before he came to know and follow him. What might have been seen as an ordianry life became an extravagant artwork of God's grace.

I am left with so much to process after these days with my Dad. I will never be the same. Something really big happened here that I know the Lord will be revealing to me for a long time. This life story of my Dad is now a part of me. There is really something to this business of telling our stories to others. Our souls become deeply connected to oneanother and there is a unique fulfillment in our hearts. It is life giving...in watching my Dad tell these accounts the suffering of cancer and chemotherapy seemed to melt away. He suddenly became energized, charasmatic and funny. It was almost as if we escaped our current place and were temporarily imported into the world of the stories. Rich times for a father and a son.

The Little Boy Inside

Today the Lord called the little boy inside of me to go home and be with his daddy. The voice came through a close covenant friend but the words were from God. Only his words can pierce into those deepest places of my heart. Heaving sobs and tears flowing.

My dad has been in a heated battle with cancer for 6 years now. But in the last year he has been extremely ill. For much of this time I have been the responsible son, stepping up to lead our family and keep us together in the fight. But today I was called to go home...not to fix anyone or anything, but just to be the little boy again. The one who would go visit his daddy at work and play with the paper weights on his desk. The one who made a business suit out of a paper grocery bag just so he could be like dad.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Auburn to be with my Dad and Mom for a few days. It will be a tough trip...probably filled with both sorrow and joy.

More to come on this journey...

Who's the greatest?

The disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Jesus replied, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:1-4


How do we become like this?

Learning from a toddler.

Lately I have really been flooded with thoughts and reflections about my relationship with Benjamin (my two year old). I could pour out so much about this right now but the main point I would eventually come to is this...being a father is teaching me how to be a son. Today I found some old words that I just felt pressed to share here. It's something I scribbled down during one of our chapel services last spring. On this day, Jason Upton was leading the service and just singing over us. I remember sitting there with my head between my knees listening to his words when I felt the need to just start writing. Here's what came (pardon the run on sentence):

I came home the other day, opened the garage door and walked in the back door to our home to see my son turning the corner from the hall into the kitchen, running towards me with both arms up in the air, shreeking with joy, holding a plastic soup ladel high in one hand. He was doing his best to run towards me, just being able to walk for a few weeks now. His feet pattered across our hard kitchen floor. He was wearing red and black plad flannel pants and a grey long sleve t-shirt with a big cartoon zebra on the front. He had on the little white lace up leather boots that klanked across the floor. He ran at me so hard that I had to catch him. I was kneeling down with my arms reaching out for him in his final steps. If I had not been there he woud have face planted right into the floor...he was coming at me that hard. Total trust. He had heard the garage door open from his room and took that as a sign that daddy was home. It was an ear piercing shreek he screamed out as he ran. Words can't describe it. I caught him in my arms and wrapped him up. I love you Benjamin!

Man, how I long to be like Benjamin towards our Father in heaven! These children around us...they are amazing persons of faith and joy!

The Yoke of Perfection

I'm in the heat of the end of the semester (although the actual temperature this morning when I woke up was 12 degrees). But you know what I mean...things are getting crazy about right now. Group presentations...final projects...and a comprehensive short answer exam staring me in the face. And in the middle of all this I'm hit with the thought of carrying the yoke of perfection. It is real heavy around here sometimes...trying to make good grades and all. Sometimes we soften the language for it and call it "excellence" to make ourselves feel better. But I'm realizing that when we, or I should say, when I carry this yoke of perfection, I loose FORMATION. I'm so wrapped up in doing things right to get a good grade that I loose the ability to let the assignment form me. Case in point: I'm working on a "Personal Spiritual Development Analysis" that looks at my 31 years of life and process how God has intervened at certain points. Well I have spent about two hours this afternoon looking through books and examples of other assessments tryring to figure out how to make this assignment look good on paper so that I will get a good grade. By God's grace giving me this reflection, I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and say, "OK, I don't care what grade I get on this...what I really want is to allow this assignment to form me more into the likeness of Jesus Christ." To get rid of my own agenda and just be along for the ride on this project.

So that's it. I really have nothing else to say about this right now. Anybody else (of the 5 people that read my blog) feel this yoke of perfection??

Hunger Banquet

Last week I went to a "Hunger Banquet" here on campus. I had never been to anything like this before and had no clue what to expect. As each person walked in the door we were randomly handed a card indicating the group we would represent...high income, middle income or poor. I somehow ended up with a high income card and was ushered to a single table sitting in the middle of the room where I sat with three other people. All around me sitting on the floor were about 30 of my friends and peers, representing those in poverty...they had no chairs to table to sit at. Then across the room were about 7 others representing the middle class who sat in chairs but had no table. As the banquet went on we realized that the way the room was set up proportionally represented these groups three groups. The four of us high income individuals at the table represented the 15% of people in the world who earn more than $9,500 a year (this is considered high income by the worlds standards...makes you see how our Western incomes are quite extravagant). The 7 people in the chairs represented those who were on the fringes of poverty...getting sick and not being able to work would utterly spin them into poverty. Then the near 30 people on the floor represented the 67 percent of people in the world who live in poverty, earning about $1 per day. There were staggering statistics of children and parents dying of hungar.

Then the meal was served. The four of us at the table were served a very nice meal...two grilled checken breasts, potato caserole, green beans and cheesecake for dessert...more than I could eat. The middle class were given a pan of rice and beans that they had to serve themselves into small cups. The poor sitting on the floor were given a tray of rice that they had to serve among the group into small cups...I think that each of them got about a half of a cup. It was incredibly akward. We were not allowed to give away our food to the poor...for the sake of the exercise we had to keep it to ourselves. The four of us "high income" folks just looked at eachother and could hardely eat. As we ate we discussed how this was making us feel. We began to understand that what was happening in the room happens each day. For so many of us we eat and live with blinders on...we don't even know what is going on in the world and how so many around us are hungry. Even here in Wilmore, there are children going to bed hungry at night. All I could think about while I was at this banquet was that God sees this all the time...and how it must break his heart to see his people not doing anything about it.

I'm left with a lot to think about after all this. Thought this may be a fitting post before Thanksgiving. Also, if you're reading this you are in the "high income" bracket. More on this later...

THEY'RE GIRLS...we think.

16 Weeks

So...we went to the doctor today for Leslie's 16 week appointment. Everything looked great...both babies are healthy and growing perfectly! Both had strong heartbeats...one at 150 and another at 155. And they were pretty active...all over eachother...there is a membrane separating them that is only a milimeter wide. And we looked along with the Dr. for about 20 minutes trying to determine the sex of these two. After several good clear views of both babies we saw no signs of the male anatomy (i'm trying to be appropriate here for all audiences) so they are 99% sure they are GIRLS!!! Leslie has spent the evening planning out the room...it looks like I'm going to be painting some pink poka-dots on the wall over the Christmas break. We are so excited about these two coming. It is amazing to see them being knit together inside of Leslie. Truly a gift and miracle from God!

Sugar High!

Last night Benjamin was introduced into the wild world of Sugar. We spent the evening with our friends, Mark and Erin, at "Treats on Main", the local Halloweeen/Tricker Treat deal that our town puts on for the community. Benjamin had three lolly pops, a few sweet tarts, and half a recees cup...quite a bit for only a little 26 pounder. I had a free tasty hot dog from our friends at the Wilmore UMC. We didn't get home until about 8:30 so Benjamin got to skip out on his bath. The sugar wore off and he finally crashed. But today at lunch I saw that he still had some reminants of a blue sweet tart stuck to his neck!

Here's a picture of him with his little buddy Silas. They had the luxury of being pulled around all night in the ATW (All Terrain Wagon).


Silas the Puppy Dog and Benjamin the Auburn Football Player/Pumpkin Head.

Seeing Glory

I'm sitting here in Auburn in the study of my parents house. I've just come from the hospital where my dad had invasive surgery today and now I'm staring at a picture Leslie just emailed me of the twins from her Dr. visit today (oh ya, for those of you who don't know...Leslie and I are having identical twins!!). Such a contrast between the images my eyes have seen today. I've seen sick people going up and down the halls. People saddened by bad news. My own family rejoicing in the wonderful suprise of unexpected good news. Then my dad, there in bed with tubes, IV's, and monitors going all over the place. And now I'm looking at a picture of two little bodies inside Leslie's womb, being knit together and formed into new life second by second. I can see ears, eyes, noses, two spines and two hearts...it's the bright little spot in their chests. There is something amazing about seeing my dad, at age 70, battling for life and then to see two new little Agertons being created. I'm amazed at what God is doing right now...just even in my one family. He is healing and restoring my Dad as he lays in an intensive care bed, he is knitting two souls together in Leslie's womb as she sleeps there in Wilmore...he is comforting my Mom in just the other room. The only words I can think of in all this is "God's Glory". Looking at my family today has been like looking at one of those incredible pictures of the universe.

Rest and Be Quiet

OK...so I've been neglecting my blog a bit. It's a good indicator of how busy I have been these first weeks of the semester. I've been going hard...reading books, writing papers, doing Greek word study assignments, getting things done for our chapel office, etc. All good things. Last night I somehow came to realization that I had been so busy accomplishing the many tasks of life that I didn't even know what was going on with my soul...what I was learning, going through, struggling with, etc. If someone were to ask me how I'm doing, I would answer "oh, doing good...just staying busy". Have you ever heard that before. We say this little stuff to eachother all the time. For me this is really an encrypted version of "I don't know what the heck is going on and I don't feel like talking about it!" But last night there was a breaking in of some sorts...a word of recalibration. As I realized my state of being so busy that I'm out of touch with my heart, I heard, "rest and be quiet".

Still figuring out what this means. Practically I think it means being more intentional to have time to rest and just listen to God...for whatever he might say or not say. Just to be there with Him.

Roof Top Friendship

Roof Top Friendship

Leslie snapped this one on the 4th of July. My friend Brandon and I were up on my roof watching the fireworks around town (Leslie and Alison, Brandon's wife, were too scared to get up on the roof and watched from the deck). We could see the big fireworks show out at RJ Corman's place and even more exciting...all the local neighborhood firework shows around Wilmore. But the longer we were up there it became less about watching fireworks and more about just sharing life. It was one of those moments when your soul opens up and you are fed by the connection with another friend. We talked for for hours about our lives growing up...how it shaped us...our families...where we are now in life...what God is bringing us through. I look at this picture now and just think of extravagent friendship...or what I would now call "roof top friendship". What is roof top friendship? I can't put it into words just yet...it's something to do with mutual listening and having an other oriented heart. Seeing this picture is pointing me in a good direction for this. It was a time of great blessing. I know in my heart that these are the kinds of relationships that God desires for us to have.

I just want to walk like Benjamin.

My dear friend, Dan Lowe, wrote this poem this past February while he was watching Benjamin climb up and down the stairs outside McKenna Chapel. Leslie was close behind. He scribbled it down on a sheet of notebook paper and gave it to me. I just found it again this morning in my journal and wanted to share it:

I want to walk like Benjamin,
one step at a time up and down the stairs
while you're there to catch me when I fall.

So often my legs are too short
and my eyes are too big,
but with a grin on my face
I take a leap,
but before I stumble your hands grab mine
and I grin like Benjamin.

Walking up isn't so hard
because I just trust the next ledge.
You're right behind me,
but when I turn around all I see is edge
and my feet are to short
and my eyes are too big
but then your hands are there and I remember to giggle in delight.

I just want to walk like Benjamin.

Dan Lowe 2-24-05

There is so much in this little poem. Today I feel like I'm at the edge and my legs are too short, my eyes are too big. I've got a lot going on right now. I want to giggle in delight and grin like Benjamin! Lord open my eyes to see your hands behind me.

Going Home Today!

Leslie and I are going home to Alabama today and I'm so pumped. So pumped that I had a spur of thoughts that I thought I'd get out before my final Church History exam I have in 39 minutes. It was a sudden decision for us to go home this weekend...greatly influenced by an invitation from our good friends, the Ragsdales, to head to Lake Martin for a few days of skiing, knee boarding, lounging, grilling burgers, and just relaxing. We are heading out after my exam today at 4pm. We're leaving Benjamin with my parents on Saturday night while Leslie and I head to the lake. I just feel like it's time to go home for a bit and just love on some folks. I want my parents to see how much Benjamin has grown. And hear him say "pizza", "cock a dooooo", and "I yub you". And then there's Chucks and Jim Bob's. Yes, these are two of the finest eating establishments in the Auburn/Opelika area. Chucks is your local pit bar-b-que joint, owned by a wonderful man and brother in Christ, Chuck Farrell. This is the kind of bar-b-que that is vinegar/mustard based...makes you want to slap someone it's so good (you can tell from this email that I'm already starting to get back into the Alabama vernacular). I particularly like to sop up the sauce with the soft white bread when I'm finishing everything up. Jim Bob's...owned by Chuck's Son in Law...has the best chicken fingers of all the kingdoms of the world. It is also Benjamin's favorite place...he mostly likes the fries there and the fact that he can run around and mess with other people as they eat (it's one of those wide open places). I'm sure we'll run into lots of local friends at these places and catch up on who's graduating from high school...the latest on Auburn football, etc. I'm so thankful for having a warm home and community to go back to. Being so far away makes it that much more special.

Better Run...going to cram in a little more info about realists vs. nominalists in the next 30 minutes!

Rush of Prayers

Ever had those times when you feel like there is just so much to pray for that you get a little overwhelmed. Like when you suddenly become aware of what so many other people around you are facing...like breast cancer, having babies, financial problems, discerning job paths, dating issues, sick kids, etc. I could go on and on here. Last night I suddenly came to that place. I'm thankful that God opened my eyes to see into others lives and walk in their shoes but it's tough...breaks your heart and puts you on your knees. I know this is the place where God wants us to live into daily. I just haven't been here in a while...been busy trying to run my own city. It's refreshment in the midts of sorrow...not what we would ever expect is it. Got to go...suppost to be reading now for Church History.

Back in the Saddle

Today was my first day back in class...Church History I. After having a good break in June, I was looking forward to getting back at it. Had a great day and I'm really excited about this class, even though most of my buddies at Seminary have said it is pretty tough and a drag. But I really need to know this stuff. I have never been the all that great at knowing our historical background as Christians so I am hoping that this really puts some pieces together for me. Today it was good to get back into the depth of who Jesus was. We spent most of the day examining the religious and political climate that he lived and taught in...it was a real mess. It all just shows how out there Jesus really was...totally counter cultural. But when you learn this stuff it just makes Jesus even more irreristable. It was refreshing today...I have missed this over the last month. That's it...got to get back to reading.

Benjamin Tid Bit: After school today I was out in the yard goofing around with Benjamin. He found the watering can in the garage, then walked up to the flowers in our front yard to water them (no water in the can). He was so proud of himslef...looking at me for a response after each tilt of the can. He went around to almost every flower and shrub in front of the house. He had seen me doing this over the last week or so. Thank you God for this blessing and lesson.

Akward Break

OK, I'm back. It's been a little while since I've left some thoughts here...mostly because I've had a break from school in June and my mind just has not been in writing/blog mode. We spent the first half of June visiting family and friends in Alabama. Since then we have been here in Wilmore just taking care of little errands and having a lot of family time together. But it's been a little akward for me to have this time off. I think a lot of it has to do with the business world I came from and the way I was raised. In the last weeks I have trimmed every bush in my yard and done just about every house project I could come up with. I'ts been a wonderful time with Leslie and Benjamin but at times I've felt a little guilty for having this time off. I recognized this a few weeks back and have been talking it through with Leslie and friends. I know that God is somehow shaping me through this time. Just can't articulate it right now. So no great revelations or conclusions at this time.

Sermonizing??

Today I preached my first sermon...a very new and different experience for me. In my past job I often had to do presentations and spoke on several other occasions, but this was just different. This whole deal of the Holy Spirit speaking through you changes everything. I really sensed that the Holy Spirit showed up a few weeks ago one late night when this message really hit me...living in response to grace. It was like the flood gates opened and the whole sermon just poured out of me. But after that I began to refine it, analyze it, organize it, and basically beat it to death. But this whole time I just did not feel the same burn in my heart as I did that first night when it all just overflowed into messy notes onto my notebook paper. As I went over my outline and spoke the message out in my mind the last few days, I just did not have that same original passion...almost like I was missing something. Was what I was missing the Holy Spirit?? Early this morning as I was going over everything one last time I just realized that I had done all I could do...it was time to just leave the rest as open space for God to do the final work...and he did.

It's so hard to judge how one's own sermon goes. I'm actually trying not to think about it at all...but I'm tempted to replay it in my mind and analyze every word I can remember but I feel like I just need to leave it alone. I was overwhelmed as I was speaking and even choked up a few times. I definately felt more enabled to articulate clearly and precisely things that I could not get down as I prepared. I think that what I was feeling was the Holy Spirit guiding my words. This is all new to me. It's almost like my little son Benjamin learning to walk for the first time...he's akwardly stumbling around not knowing how or what exactly he's doing.

chicken fingers and french fries please...

Last Friday night we had a family date with our good friends, Alison and Brandon. We had been craving "Mexican" for the last few weeks so we ventured into Lexington to eat at a place that I now can't remember the name of. By the time we got there and were seated we were all starving. It was like a tornado came through and hit the chips and salsa. Leslie and I were so hungry and excited about eating out that we were glued to our menu's. When the waiter came to take our orders Leslie went with a some kind of burrito supreme and I ordered a chimachanga. The waiter then pointed to Benmamin (our 1.5 year old son who was chewing on several straws at the end of the table) and said, "What about him?" We were both stunned...we had somehow gotten lost in our own little world of burrito's and chimachanga's and didn't even think about what Benjamin could eat...I know, it's pretty sad. The waiter handed us a children's menu: mexican hamburger...kid's tacos...chicken fingers and french fries...chicken quesadillas. We both perused the options and then the neatest thing happened. Without speaking, we glanced at eachother and just knew what to get. There was no, "so what do you think" or "what's going to be the least messy?". We both just new. I looked back at the waiter and said, "chicken fingers and french fries please". We ended up having a great dinner but totally ate way to much.

The next day Brandon and I were talking over some things we were both experiencing in our journey with God when it hit me...what had happened the night before with Leslie...this is what it's like to be in that deep intimate friendship with God. It's like your both on the same page...the desires of your heart and His heart are the same...you don't even have to think about things...you just know...you become ONE.

This spring semester our seminary community has been focusing on Jesus' prayer for us in John 17: 20"I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be ONE, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be ONE as we are ONE: 23 I in them and you in me."

I've struggled with this all semester. My first reaction is "this sounds like crazy talk". But it is a beautiful mystery. One of those things that logical number crunching guys like me are a little slow at grasping. But this instance with Leslie gave me a tangible piece for understanding this intimate relationship that Jesus prayed for us to have with his Father. When we are in continuous fellowship with God and have that deep abiding relationship...a intimate friendship like Leslie and I have...somehow your hearts are just on the same page. Your thoughts, desires and meditations become His own thoughts, desires and meditations. You don't have to debate or go back and forth about decisions...there is no doubt. It just happens. You become ONE! Is this little example with Leslie just a taste of the relationship that God desires with us? I believe it is. Thank you God for seeking friendship with us misfits!

The Great Debate is Over!

I'm officially taking the plunge into blog world. I've had this site ready to go for a few months now but my heart has just not been in the right place to get started. I've been holding an inner debate on why I should blog. Part of me has seen this as an expression of my pride and an opportunity to validate myself. It sounds like this, "Hey family, close Christian friends, people I respect and want to be respected by...come to my blog and be impressed with all the great spiritual stuff God is doing in my life." Sounds pretty scary doesn't it. This is the kind of junk that God has been bringing me out of in this first year of Seminary. The other side of the debate has been that this is an avenue to share my life with others in a way that gives total glory to the Father. So it comes down to this...my glory vs. God's glory. I think this is the quiet debate that subconsciously goes on in all of us and is decided by the posture of our hearts. My pride has conquered this debate for many years but as my distant and corgal friendship with God has grown into one of intimacy, the tables have somehow turned. Over the last nine months He's allowed me to see the mask of self-righteousness I've worn for so long...it's been pretty uncomfortable and humbling. But realizing how distorted I really am has made God's love that much more potent. By human standards, it's pretty much insane for him to love someone like me...but he does...and never gives up on me! When understanding the depth of his love and grace from this new place it becomes almost a natural response to pour out my life in a way that gives only him the glory. This great debate is over!